HEADING II
THE WOMAN'S ZEAL AT HOME
The family is most appropriately the woman's area of work: it has been said above and it is good to bear it in mind each time that one speaks of the activities of women. As a consequence, this topic deserves to be discussed much more broadly. And yet for the purpose I have established, doing so would not be necessary: more so because everyone exalts the woman's mission at home, many books deal with it widely, the clergy generally are persuaded about it. I shall take note by preference of what is more urgent in our times: considering the woman as mother, as wife, as sister.
ART. I - THE MOTHER
Need for her assistance
It has been said and it has been published: religious and moral training of the youth belongs to the priest. Well, this is not only a mistake but to believe it is a misfortune. It is a mistake: inasmuch as the right and the duty to educate in a Christian manner the children belongs in the first place to parents: they who have given life to the body have to give as well
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the spiritual life to the soul. And the Church, more than any code of law, respects the authority of father and mother: so much so that in ordinary cases, she does not grant the baptism of children against the will of parents. A reconfirmation of such principle was lately given by the pope when, mentioning those to whom belongs the promotion of the children to communion, placed the parents in the first place, then the confessor, the parish priest, etc.
It is a misfortune, indeed, considering that nothing equals the influence of a mother on her children: The mother, so the famous author of Formation de la jeune fille,1 somehow molds the soul of her child, who is under her eyes, in her hands, under the omnipotent warmth of her love. Effortlessly, she communicates to him her ideas, her sentiments, her tastes. Now: in what would the priest succeed, he who would believe of dispensing with the concurrence of the mother in the religious formation of the young persons' hearts? Very little. Rather, I would say that anyone who wants to speak of true training, that is, moral-religious education, he would succeed in almost nothing.
Let it be noted well: to educate the young religiously does not mean to teach some catechism questions, with some prayers formulas: it does not mean to prepare the child to receive well his first holy communion and the sacrament of confirmation: no, these things are necessary, they are
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means, they are a part of the religious-moral education, but they are little. To educate means to accustom: in our case it means to accustom the youth to think and act religiously. And in more common terms it should mean that the young is trained or educated morally and religiously not only when in his mind the truths of the catechism predominate over other thoughts, when in his life he has as principal aspiration that of saving his soul, when he behaves well and accomplishes the acts of worship with true awareness. This is the most fundamental principle. Philosophy, morals, experience teach him: this training, I mean to say, these moral-religious habits are a real result of repetition of acts. They require that there be a good angel always near that young man and who continually repeats and applies to real events the truths learned from catechism: who would let the prayers and communions be repeated; who requires obedience, charity, chastity. And this not only for one day: but for two, for ten, for months, for years, till the young man has reached the point of doing things by himself with pleasure, with readiness, in everything his duty. A priest cannot arrive at this: neither the father completely: only the mother can.
It shall be said: the son belongs to the father no less than to the mother: therefore the duty of educating him rigorously belongs to both.
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Whatever it is in theory: in practice, [children] are entrusted more to the mother. In fact, the man often is busy outside the home: he goes to the farm, to the shop, to the business establishment, to factories. His mind is more often absorbed in concerns over material things. By the time he could dedicate his attention to children, he does not ordinarily possess the religious spirit to a high degree: he does not know how to enter into the hearts of his children as much as their mother can: often he does not think over such things if not when his attention is called or when he is advised to do so by his wife.
And it is for such reason that the aforementioned author says: Then on the priests lies the duty of using, for the education of the youth, his various helps and especially the mothers: to urge them and to guide them towards a common action.
Purpose of education
A young man shall have learned an art or an occupation when he could exercise it without the assistance and counsel of the teacher. In the same sense, a young man could be said to have been morally and religiously educated when, away from the eyes of superiors or of parents, would know how to be religious and well behaved. We need to train the young to live on their own: it is necessary to train in them that strong will to resist all influence of evil that surfaces from all sides: it is necessary to impart on them religious instructions that they could then resist the
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avalanche of errors, that fall from all around: to equip them with practical sense that they won't be guided by the first advice, by the first companion, by whatever example: to fill their hearts with such sentiments of piety, of goodness, of charity that reject the baseness of passions. It is an immense and complex work inasmuch as it has to do with overwhelming and dominating the soul. It means giving a well enlightened faith that establishes the ideas: a true piety that guides the sentiments; a resolute will that assures perseverance: a practical sense that may be a sure guide; an upright conscience that is not easily seduced; a supernatural urge that, bringing heaven to mind, makes less powerful the attractions of this earth. And this not in whatever manner: but energetically and prudently.
Energetically: often it is beneficial to oppose the small caprices of the age, to love more with the head than with the heart, to sacrifice comfort, time, health. Energetically: persevering until good habit is formed: not abandoning, as it happens too often, at the critical age of the young man: providing for all the details of his needs.
Prudently: by now our ears are full of the most common complaints: young people stay by the priest until twelve, or fourteen years old, and then they abandon him: it is believed that religion is good for young kids and young girls and not
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for men of some talents: those who go out of religious institutes of education turn out worse than others. Exaggerated evils, but not that completely. And often the original fault has to be sought in the method of instruction or education: often there is an a priori or metaphysical manner of instruction. Aim is not on the young person's future, on the circumstances of the environment, of occupations, of dangers wherein he would find himself, but on making the young man grow in the convent, to make him execute materially and blindly the commands. And yet a large part of these young people shall become fathers and mothers one day: or else the greater part are destined to live in the world outside: and yet all are sensible beings who should know how to live on their own and not as perpetually directed.
The mother, better than any other person, in ordinary cases, can know the son's future and say to herself: I must train him so he is capable of living by himself. For this purpose she can use four means that make up the four duties of a mother towards her children: instruction, example, correction, vigilance.
Means of education - I. Instruction
Here we are speaking only about moral-religious instruction. It consists as if the foundation of education and at the same time a great means for guaranteeing the end. It is the foundation inasmuch as
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no one can do that which, also without fault, is being ignored, and whose importance is not valued. It is the means with which to assure the fruit of education: it is only through instruction and divine grace that one can resist the flood of mistakes, that one can rise little by little as he lives on with his life.
And this instruction2 must be adequate and proportionate to the young person. For him who would need to live in the farms, it shall be enough that he or she knew the most ordinary duties and the most common objections: broader shall have to be that of the young worker inasmuch as his faith shall have more assaults from companions, from newspapers, from bad example; broadest and profound should be that of a student, so much so that he could neutralize the effects of erroneous doctrines of one who would demonstrate that faith goes against science,3 religion as against progress, the clergy as enemy of civil institutions.
Neither is it intended here that everything ought to be done by the mother: to her belongs that part that is possible to her: as for the rest, she shall have to find substitutes to her work either in parish catechisms, in good books, in the classes of religion, in the youth circles,4 in holiday oratories.
What the mother can do is the most fundamental part. She has to give to her child a deep persuasion of these truths: we have been created for heaven; because of the original sin
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we tend towards sin; but we must resist such an inclination with God's help that is obtained through prayer: sin is a great evil, the sacraments are the channels of the Lord's graces, Jesus Christ is our only true teacher.5 More: she has to show that the child has a very precious heart in which she has to impart great loves for Jesus Christ, the Most Holy Virgin, St. Joseph, the Guardian Angel, the souls in purgatory, for priests, parents, teachers, brothers and sisters, those who are of lower status, those suffering, the poor. Finally, the mother has to inculcate well responsibility over one's actions, and not to give in to every inclination and desire, that it is better to go above certain examples, that he needs to be respectful of his neighbor and to the public welfare.
All this the mother must teach gradually, in an easy and effective manner.
Gradually: that is, starting from those years wherein the child does not comprehend as yet, but is already capable of doing something and to mutter some words. Then, it would be enough that the child repeats after her the names of Jesus and of Mary Most Holy: much later, with the opening up of his intelligence, he shall understand and he will be made to learn much more things.
In an easy manner: above all, it is better over all to follow the objective method. For example, while showing the crucifix, one could speak about the Incarnation: from a picture, the child's soul is raised to know the maternal
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protection of Mary most holy: from the sight6 of the cemetery, one could speak to the child of death, of judgment, of happy or unhappy eternity, of the final resurrection. And according to such a method it is still a very wise principle to make use of occasions: during a walk through pleasant places and before certain grandiose spectacle of nature, to speak of the Creator's power: at the death of someone, to speak of being always prepared: at the sight of unfortunate people, to speak of Providence who alone shall restore full justice after life, etc.
In an effective manner: and it means that these precepts has not to be speculative, but it is suitable to make them immediately followed. After having spoken of prayer, it is good to make the child really pray, each day, insisting always on the motives: explained as to how we must love the poor, to send children to distribute money or loaves of bread: after having inculcated that all must work, to demand that they be busy according to their age and the circumstances. In an effective manner: and it means still that generally the children have to see at least one good reason for the command, if not always all the reasons: they have to understand that in the world the principle of authority is divinely instituted: they have always to bear in mind that God, just punisher or remunerator, watches over everyone's actions. Continuous coercions are capable of producing fools,
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bad ones, those alienated in life. - In an effective manner: and finally it means that the principles have to be repeated and often applied and that to do them belongs to every day, for many years. Thus, little by little in them is formed the habit of prayer, the habit of devotion to Mary Most Holy, the habit of going to church often, the habit of obeying, the habit of respecting one's neighbor, the habit of considering certain in everything the temporal and eternal consequences.
Neither are all these enough for the mother: she shall have, at his proper age, send her son to catechism, or to the oratory. Certainly, the word of God's minister shall have a divine effectiveness in confirming that of the mother: certainly, the priest, with his authority, with his piety and knowledge, shall let penetrate more deeply and expand the moral-religious knowledge of the young man: surely, finding himself with other young persons gathered for the same purpose of looking after the soul, before the spectacle of God's church, in front of the ministers distributed in hierarchy, he would have a greater persuasion that the future life is something that is important and that the present life is nothing but a means to reach that. And to the mother belongs the task not only of sending children to catechism, but to make sure of their real participation, of their conduct and of their benefiting from it.
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With these turned to adults, mothers shall see to it that they participate at the explanations of the Gospel, to the parish instructions, to conferences that are held almost every day in every place for the Luigini7 or to members of the youth circles. And on this last thing, mothers must show themselves particularly watchful: inasmuch as it is in special conferences to the youth that those subject matters that concern them more closely are dealt.
Should the young undertake the career of studies, for a most particular need, mothers shall see to it that they are sent possibly to private, religious schools. In them, the son shall more easily keep pure his heart and he shall receive not only literary but also religious instruction. If this is not always convenient in every family, the mother shall at least see to it that her son attends classes of religion and read some good books where, clearly and suitably, the knowledge of religion is imparted.
Neither is all this ordinarily enough: by now the division among men into two great armies is becoming more accentuated, one struggling against the other, respectively guided by the Church and by Freemasonry. And the youth is the area that one and the other are trying to conquer: knowing well that who has the youth today shall have the society of tomorrow.
Neither can one remain indifferent spectators any longer
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of this fact: also the most peaceful and withdrawn young persons are required to take the side of one or the other part. Those who shall not have adequate knowledge on the dangers that surround them and on the ends set by Freemasonry, these shall fall, perhaps unknowingly, into the net that are set. Hence, it is necessary that the youth knew the organizations established with the ostensible pretext of beneficence, of mutual help, of studies, of civility, of love for country by the Freemasons: it is necessary that they read the bottom line, what the projects are all about, what certain feasts, certain institutions mean and that they understand that these want to steal their most precious treasures, faith and modesty, in order to make use of them for diabolical purposes. Now how can the mother look after such an instruction? If she is capable of it, she could directly intervene with suitable counsels given according to the opportunities. The son, however, should not show that he is imposing his own will, rather he has to attend to his temporal and eternal well-being. If, in case, she is not capable as it often happens, she has to see to it that her son joins Catholic circles and associations and attends conferences that shall be held. And if these do not exist, she shall seek the advice of a priest expert on what has to be done: she shall subscribe to good reading materials for her children: she could ask for those published by Catholic associations that are meant to fight against Freemasonry.
More: a mother cannot entertain the illusion that
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her son ought always to ignore the so-called mysteries of life, the temptations, the disorders and the dangers of the world. She would expose him to get shipwrecked soon, to be a victim of bad companions and to be buried in evil before even knowing it, because the day when her son will by force find himself at the height of the fight that will certainly come. She shall train him in faith: not casting him into evil, but instructing him discretely. She should speak to him of certain schools, shops, companions, entertainments, vices, of the innate tendency for pleasure: she should take the opportunity from things that happened, from the reading of a book or newspaper, from questions made by children; she shall not unleash passions, but use reserve and reverence for their innocence; especially, she shall arm them with the necessary means to avoid the dangers, much prayer and devotion to the Most Holy Virgin. Let her know however not to let her son know what is bad so soon or more than what is needed.
The moment of life wherein more than ever children should feel responsible of what they do is when they choose a state in life. It is then that the mother has to show well the different paths that lie ahead of the son: she has to let him see truthfully the advantages and the inconveniences. She has still to show him the capital importance of this great step in life: she has to suggest to him to pray, to think seriously and to seek the advice
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of a prudent and holy confessor: but most of all she must leave him full freedom. Not that she may not give him her own advice, but she ought never to impose her will with commands, pressures, impositions, repeated insistence. He ought to have freedom to live in the world or to withdraw from it: freedom to choose his lifetime partner: a sufficient freedom also to dedicate himself to a profession or to an art.
It is said that there are daughters who arrive at marriage without any idea about it; this is true if we speak of certain families where there still reigns enviable simplicity and candor of manners.
More often, however, this other fact happens: people get into marriage with a false idea of matrimony. It happens to young people of higher religious education: it happens to rich or socially highly placed, where marriage is set with reasons of interests or social position. Here the task belongs properly to the mother: she has to describe well the obligations that are assumed with such a sacrament: the need to choose a groom of solid moral and religious principles: the long and serious preparation that has to come before. Who are the others who could substitute the mother in this task?
In this regard, highly advisable for children and parents is the book Sposi timorati, sposi fortunati (God fearing spouses, lucky spouses) by Nisten8 - L. 2.50 (Libreria Buona Stampa - Torino).
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Means of education - II. Good example
It was said above: children are not to be habitually obliged to do good, but they are to be persuaded: they have to be so imbued with natural and supernatural considerations that they are led by these also beyond the supervision of their parents. This stirs in them a sense of morality and feelings of responsibility over their own actions before their own selves, their family, society and before God. Now, what would be the most effective argument for forming such conscience in children? Not so much with reasons: but the example of a sober, industrious and religious life of their parents.
The instinct to imitate is so profound in man that no one, as much as he would try, shall ever succeed in subtracting himself from it. It is, however, among children where nature reveals its tendencies without any artificiality. St. Basil compares them to beginners in painting: their study consists in faithful copying their model. If the model is good, it is easy that the copy would turn out fairly: if the model is defective, the reproduction will turn out to be badly done.9 What a duty and a means of education in woman therefore is that of good example! A child invited to pray by the governess, answered: Why should I when father and mother don't pray? And another:
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When shall I be big enough as not to pray like daddy and mommy?
Example of prayer: The mother educates by showing herself frequently at the holy sacraments, and letting children see her morning and evening and sometimes during the day at prayer.
Example of virtue: The mother educates by showing herself resigned in tribulations and forgiving contradictions. She educates when she shows affection and benign compassion to her husband; when she does not run after all the fashion trends and vanities of women: when she lives a withdrawn life and alien to certain meeting places and entertainments: when she is industrious, caring for the family, solicitous of the spiritual and moral welfare of her children.
Example in speech: Mothers give a deep impression on children when their speech does not reflect so much material interests, vain words, honors, the present life; but rather the soul, eternity, salvation.
Take note: example must be true, not faked. It is not enough to talk of certain things mysteriously before children, it is not enough to behave before them while putting on a serious and dignified face, it is not enough to hide vices and unbelief. Children would sooner or later discover the secrets of life, penetrate the mysteries and, by then, aside from learning the vices of their parents, they also would learn being hypocrites.
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And the mother can do not only her part: she also can induce her husband, through suitable exhortations, to be what he would like his children to be formed.
Means of education - III. Vigilance
Going into narrating a parable, our Lord said that in a field, while the men were asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds10 among the good grain. It is the image of what could happen in the heart of a young man without the vigilance of his parents and more especially of his mother: books and companions, entertainments and relationships, soon would cast seeds so different from what have been sowed through good words and good examples.
What kind of vigilance? The manner, the quality, the measure of it must be regulated by the purpose of education itself: to train people to live by themselves, with full awareness of what they are doing. Everything therefore must aim at developing a moral sense. For this, it must be: attentive, continuous, universal as to see all; discrete as not to be always noticed by the son, so not to demand too much from him, so to form in him the habit of living in the world without his becoming worldly.
Attentive: that is, what one would do on something of very great interest: not preferring the care for material things, of fields, of business,
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of the shop, of clothes, of visits, of entertainments. There are mothers who complain for not having time: and meanwhile they spend much time in useless conversations, vanities, leisure. There are others who prefer to go to work.
Certainly for some women this last is a hard need: but as much as possible let them avoid it: it is better to nourish and clothe children as humbly as ever than to neglect their education. If truly a woman could not avoid staying out of the house for the whole day, let her at least leave behind to watch over her children persons who are absolutely temperate and religious persons.
Continuous: that is, in every place: at home, in going to and coming from school, and from the church; in entertainment, at work, at prayer and even while asleep. In every age: when they are small and then grown a bit bigger; in a special manner from thirteen to nineteen years old: in a most special manner at those time that runs between arrangement11 and celebration of marriage.
Universal: that is to say it covers all. Over companions they go with: and no matter whether they are good or are blood relatives. Over relationships they keep: whether it is with helpers at home, or those who come into the house for whatever reason. Over the books and publications they read: while taking note of the cleverness of
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young people when they want to deceive their parents. To the theaters they go to, the games they play, the words they say, the letters they exchange, the manner they wear their clothes.
And on this regard, it would not be out of place to take note of two pieces of advice. The first: one thing is recreation, another thing is idleness: the first has to be moderately granted; the second ought to be always absolutely forbidden. Recreations must be always engaged in some activity; never allow excessive rest; accustom children, through time, in work, starting from small things. Second: evil times are here and even in school, weeds are sown. The mother shall do very well to try to know the religious-moral principles of the teachers and she shall see to it that the faith of their children is respective according to the manners allowed by law.
Finally: women should never stop their vigilance when their children go out of the house. Getting them employed, they shall choose families who are blameless as regards morals: sending them to work, they shall look for offices and shops where the fear of God reigns: sending them to big cities for higher studies, they shall seek board and lodging that offer moral guarantees. That one's child has become an adult does not destroy the right and the duty of the mother to watch over him. They have to watch out lest sectarian doctrines, indecent words, echoes of vices reach their children's ears;
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they can however neutralize their effects through prayer, through Christian instruction, with good examples, with practices of piety.
Discrete: last condition of vigilance: In fact, in order that the awareness of his own responsibility should take place in the young man, he has to feel that he is answerable of everything before God, who sees also through darkness: he has to feel he alone has to bear the consequences of his own actions. The mother, therefore, has not to extend her vigilance up to very little matters: often she has to tell that her watching over has to be taken into less consideration than that of God: she shall often use the art of watching over without being noticed; she shall try to surprise her son. Especially when she notices something unusual going on in the heart of her son shall she double her attention: and through thousands of ways suggested by maternal love, she shall try to discover his secrets and to get into his soul.
Means of education - IV. Correction
The Holy Spirit says: Withhold not chastisement from a boy... beat him with the rod, and you will save him from the nether world.12 He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him takes care to chastise him.13 Chastisement appears necessary because since during early years, children
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are willful, capricious, persistent: commanding is not enough at times to bend them: repression, punishment, correction are needed at times.
Only the virtuous mother knows how to give corrections well: strongly, that is, and reasonably.
Strongly. And this matters so that one wins over weakness and false love: it matters that the necessary sacrifice be done so that a correction is proportionate to the fault: often it is more painful to reprove than to receive reproof. It matters that one knows how to be moderate: and in due time, not only forgiveness is granted but also praise and the reward. It matters that it is not anger that dominates, but the sincere desire for the good of the child: that curses, blasphemies and bad words are not said.
Reasonably. Always in view of the great goal of education: to form a deep sense of duty.
Children should understand that their mother does not act according to caprice, but because she is concerned of their welfare: they have to understand that she does not punish them because they have ruined a piece of clothing, but because they have offended God: they have to see in the disapproval of the mother another superior disapproval, that is, that of God.
Only thus are raised reasonable and reasoning beings.
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Conclusion
I want to make a saint out of my son: so the mother of St. Athanasius14 was saying. My God, I owe everything to my mother so St. Augustine used to repeat. - Thank you a thousand times, my God, for having given us a saint for a mother, so did the sons of St. Amelia, St. Basil and St. Gregory of Nissa,15 exclaim.
Blessed is the society that possesses good mothers: it shall have honest and industrious citizens. Lucky is the Church if she trains good mothers: she shall have a generation of saints. It is on the mothers' knees that what best the earth has is formed: man: thus De Maistre writes his daughter turned mother. Perhaps passion may darken in the soul the good principles received: perhaps doubt penetrates for a while the mind of children: perhaps some seducers might open a door into their hearts: but let the truth of these famous words of the same aforementioned De Maistre be noted: When a mother has made the sign of the cross on her son's forehead, vice may erase it for a while, but it shall reappear new after.
ART. II - THE WIFE
It is written: Man makes the laws, woman makes the customs. More: to man belongs the duty of earning bread for the wife: to the
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woman belongs the task of procuring faith and morality for the husband. Would there be an exaggeration in such expressions? For others, a precise answer: for us it is enough to know that woman can exercise a decisive influence on the religious spirit of her husband. We know that it was Eve16 who dragged Adam to sin: we know that Cecilia17 brought about the conversion of her husband Valerian, thus earning from Pope Urban18 the title of an eloquent little sheep: we have it in St. Paul's letters that the unfaithful man is sanctified by the faithful woman.19
This is not the place for us to insist that, in her choice of life partner, she has to pay attention to his religion, his practices, his customs. This thing is not mentioned and understood enough due to the exuberance of youth. No matter what it has been: if the young groom is a good Christian, it will be easier for the bride to keep him so: if he is instead indifferent or adverse to religion, it will be more meritorious for the woman to convert him.
[Winning the husband's heart]
And here is the great secret for succeeding in it: win over his heart. It is certain that man has the quality and authority that naturally gives him superiority over woman. And man, naturally proud, does not easily give up this position, although he does not exaggerate his power with the pretexts that would make the woman forget that she is his partner. There are in the world more husbands who are tyrants
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to their wives than women who dominate husbands. But this husband who does not allow himself to be tamed by wiles, commands, pretexts, becomes ordinarily a docile child in the hands of her who wins over his heart. And here comes true the divine law of balance: what20 the woman is not empowered by authority, she conquers through love.
In order to make herself loved, it is necessary that she feels and shows love. The sacrament of marriage well received, constant prayer, natural tendency, natural and supernatural considerations shall set afire and burn the flame of conjugal love. Before the great act, it is licit, even prudent, to have certain demands, to scrutinize defects, to move ahead with diffidence: but with the great step made, all these should no longer be. It would rather be prudent to keep an eye to the good qualities of one's partner, be silent on the differences of education, of character, of persuasions, to emphasize what good there is: above all to open one's heart, to show sincerity to each other, not to think or even just imagine what could have been, what one could have done. And it is above all after the first months of marriage that it matters to do this; each one has a quantity of defects: each time that two go together, they do add up.
Then it is the small acts of sweetness, of gentleness, of daily and continuous patience that manifest affection: it is the foreseeing desires,
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the willing giving in, the small expressions that express goodness and makes one lovable. Life is made up of small things, like the sea is made of drops, like the cloth, of many threads; the mountain, of atoms. May women abound in acts of goodness even at the cost of spending much time on it, of sacrificing for them comfort and interests: the intimacy of conjugal affections is well superior over any others. But let her not pretend to change immediately her husband: let her tolerate many defects, let her be silent as well over serious deficiencies: let her utilize, one could say here, twenty years for making her loved, and one year would be enough for doing him good. With the ground made ready, then time is up for sowing.
[Prevent the husband from evil]
Above all, women ought to try to lead their husbands away from evil. Cafes, theaters, friends, games, entertainments less honest relationships, bad newspapers and books are enough to destroy a husband. If he clings on those things he shall, above all, lose the affection of his family: the most boring times would be that he would be forced to spend at home: he shall become indifferent to the pains and the joys of his family: he shall no longer think of providing for them a good education and whatever they need. More: he would become spendthrift, a blasphemer, a guzzler, a liar... And with all this, if in his heart faith is not totally extinguished, certainly however, his Christian life is destroyed.
Well, how can women keep their
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husbands at home during the long winter evenings, during the rest hours after lunch, during holidays? Not much through advice: much less still by sulking, or with perpetual complaints with fellow housewives: but by making the home lovable. A clean and orderly house: children respectful and affectionate to their father: courtesy and good manners in dealing with one another: kindness and well ordered life: useful family occupations, etc., these are the most effective means to keep in husbands away from bad company, but to keep at least some: Instead, husbands, fathers, brothers keep away from home in many ways: through negligence, through laziness, disorderliness, dirt, disheveled hair... More: they stay away because of ill humor, selfishness that does not want to be touched, with ill-mannered, impatient, petulant ways, through continuous groaning, complaining, sighing, bewailing and complaining... Perhaps also: through a mania for orderliness, for cleanliness, monotony, through the habit of pointing out defects, with speaking always about painful things... Thus T. Combe writes in his golden book: Semplici verità alle donne del popolo italiano (Simple truths for the women of the Italian people); a treasure for wives.
[Lead him to what is good]
In the second place: a woman may lead her husband to what is good. It is well understood that the way useful with an already religious man and that with an indifferent or unbelieving man shall be most different. The wife shall pray very much for him
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knowing that her soul is in a way bound to that of her husband: they are two companions who, together. Have to go through this land of exile in order to reach the homeland, heaven. More: evenings, she shall invite her husband to recite some prayers with her: on Sundays, she shall make sure that he accomplishes his religious duties: she shall especially know through a thousand ways to attract him to the holy sacraments on Easter, holy days, his feast day, etc.
That all this may not be possible, the wife who truly loves her husband shall at least try that he attends some preaching on extraordinary occasions, that he reads some good publications or good books during his free time, that he takes part in some pilgrimage to some sanctuary. Neither should she be discouraged: the Lord's grace acts perhaps slowly, but no less effectively: what is not obtained from year to year, perhaps would be achieved in an instant: that he arrives at no other that making him receive in time the last sacraments, would this not be a most beautiful victory?
[Make him an educator]
In the third place: the wife can succeed at making her husband cooperate with her activity and effort in the education of children. Every father, not yet turned ugly by vice, listens willing if his children are spoken about, more so she who speaks is his wife who, with the eloquence of
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motherly love, she makes him hear about his duty and his right. Have atheists not been seen educating their children in a Christian manner? Well, often, it is to the merit of a Christian wife. - Besides, the father's example, his words, his commands, his corrections have a most important effectiveness on the children's soul. Even more: there have been many cases when the mother does not succeed in dominating the children without the support of their father: always the fact takes place that, if the parents have unity of views, of means, of action, education of their children turn out successfully. While, if the parents disagree in their view or in means, in demanding and in correction, the fruits of their efforts would be very little: children would no longer obey anyone, then, they would end up openly rebelling against both. Now it is to the wife that in practice belongs21 the task of achieving such unity: although the father is the supreme head of the family whom the wife is obliged to obey: the mother ordinarily has more time to manage such problem: by knowing as best as she can the heart and the needs of the children, she must make their father know. She then often discusses with her husband the concerns that regard the religious and civic education of children, she consults him when in doubt. More: let her make her husband do some exhortations, many corrections, part of the watchfulness. With discretion and zeal, let her see to it that he shows himself a practicing Christian
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before the children, rather, let he himself accompany the children to church.
Children in some circumstances become the connecting link that join diffident parents though reconciled together: often the Lord makes use of the first communion of children for letting indifferent fathers find sense about themselves. - Well, it is up to the wife to see to it that such things happen: her love for her children and companion in life shall make her guess the right path.
ART. III - THE DAUGHTER
The daughter's condition seems that of humility, of fragility, of obedience, of weakness and nothing more: it seems, at first glance, that the daughter could not, under every aspect, exercise zeal. And yet, it is not completely so. Also the daughter can do so much good around herself: that is, towards her brothers and sisters, towards her parents, towards strangers.
Above all towards brothers and sisters. - Every priest, knowing a bit the world, remembers undoubtedly daughters who turned substitutes to parents, deceased or incapacitated, in the education of brothers and sisters: and often they do so with such an effectiveness as to emulate the most powerful influence of mother and father. And when these daughters arrive at sacrificing for their brothers and sisters a happy future, a flattering position, time, health, youth, do they not deserve to be
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honored as true heroines? Heroines hidden from the world, and perhaps even unrecognized by those benefited by her and repaid with ingratitude: but they are heroines well known by that God who sees the hidden and does not leave unpaid a glass of water given in his name.22
There are others not that much generous, but more numerous: those who associate their delicate and attentive work to that of their parents in the good rearing of brothers and sisters, especially when these are minors. And this they do first of all by good example: by always showing themselves first in obedience: by coming in time and being very recollected in prayer: by using every diligence in fulfilling their duties in school and at home: by assiduously going to catechism classes and to the sacraments.
Then with words: how many times can they teach prayers, give good advice, call to duty, do corrections! Often it is the sisters who tell at home what they heard in sermons, who remember in the family the notices given by the parish priest, who defend and let followed the commands of parents.
Furthermore: with so much effort. I am reminded of good young girls who attentively see to it that their brothers and sisters do their school assignments, that every month or at least for many times a year they approach the sacraments, that they do not read bad publications, that they avoid dangerous
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companions. It is true, especially the brothers, that they do not want to obey a sister in everything: it is most true that a sister cannot always dominate them. But when she is good, entirely caring and attentive, ready to please when she can, she shall obtain more with her gentle, patient, persuasive ways. Neighbors speak of a young woman: She is the angel of peace and joy in her home.
In the second place, she could do good to her parents themselves.Towards her parents, the daughter should never behave like a teacher and much lesser, like a superior: whether it concerns a mother or a father unworthy of such a name. She shall do well through humble submission and with the most sincere affection. It is her duty to pray for her parents; with this, she could render her parents those things that most often help and support could not.
And how effective is the prayer of children before the Lord! God shall convert parents if ever they might need it: God shall give them the patience and the constancy in such an important mission: God shall give them the necessary graces to win for themselves heaven. There have been daughters who offered themselves to the Lord in behalf of bad parents: and often they had the consolation of seeing them at least die reconciled with God. From parents one has received life: it is not so much to offer one's life for them!
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More: the daughter can do them so much good in thousand ways, varying according to age, circumstances and nature. How many times could she narrate to them good deeds or to repeat to them the truths studied in catechism, under the pretext of explaining to them their application! How many times, at the vigil and on the day of religious festivities, could she introduce the topic in conversations! How many times could she read, during free times, passages from a good book or some trustworthy sheets, as if in recreation! Then days of sadness are not wanting in the family: days are not wanting wherein the same parents, no matter how affectionate, should pass some dark clouds or ill humor: days are not wanting when some conflicts take place between children and parents. It is the daughter's mission then to function as oil in order to take away the conflicts: it is then the daughter's mission to be the angel of consolation: of setting herself as the intermediary of peace, as victim of expiation, to defend the good cause. Neither could she complain if, before her brothers she should give way, although she might be right: or if it is for her to suffer something because of her parents: no, this is what belongs to the daughter, as the burdens of the mind and of exertion belong to males. Neither should a daughter believe she succeeds in little: no. If she is truly humble, if she shows herself happy before her dear ones, if she does not have numerous pretensions as to
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clothing or attentions, she shall perform near marvels. Well-mannered and caring,23 always cheerful, simple, sweet and affectionate, she shall be taken by her parents as a precious treasure so that, in order to please her, they would willing give in to her desires.
In the third place: the daughter can sow so much good also outside the home. If vice were to be compared to a fire that rages, its bait is women: if the male youth is in serious danger in their morality, the female youth is a strong push or a strong restraint. The daughter, modest in her way of clothing, in her looks, in her dealings, imposes respect and reverence, puts together esteem and admiration, spread around her the perfume of chastity and of virtues. Instead, the looks of a dishonest daughter wounds the soul, her shameless dealings provokes evil, her looks are an invitation to sin. Thus the saying: if you want to have good young men, see to it that your daughters are chaste. In here is measured, if possible, the great moralizing work done by a virtuous, withdrawn, chaste daughter! Also without talking, performs an extraordinarily effective preaching.
She could do much more by good example, by prayer, by work, by taking part in works of zeal.
By example: of a life alien to empty entertainments, of a life that withdraws from being too public, of a life dedicated to piety and to work.
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By prayer: not only for herself but still for others and especially for the people's needs and for sinners.
By word: by willingly welcoming the occasion of sowing good sayings and holy exhortations: rendering as well her service, when opportunity comes, to the work of catechization.
By works of zeal: especially parish works, inasmuch as a daughter must assume the spirit of the parish as will be mentioned below.
These forms of zeal have been explained quite profusely above, speaking of the woman's zeal as an individual.
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1 Cf. BOLO E., Fanciullezza cristiana [original title: Les jeunes filles], Italian translation by Fr. Marcello Castelli B., Napoli, Bandinella & Loffredo 1910.
2 DA has introduzione = introduction instead of istruzione = instruction.
3 Regarding such discussions between Catholics and seculars, we find a compendium in an article of the time: “In schools and in squares, in books and in newspapers, it is proclaimed at every instant, and shouted in all tones of voices that science is inimical to religious faith and markedly referring to the faith of Catholics. As an assertion of fact, or a translation into words of a contemporary phenomenon, the statement is exact in some part. It would be more exact to say it is not science that has declared itself contrary to faith; rather, in the name of science, certain scientists, those who try to form and elaborate in their heads the thoughts of other persons, of the many and, in order to succeed in it, they need to declare that science as the only and supreme regulatory authority of the world, and they alone, the scientists.” (La Civiltà Cattolica 2 [1910] 17-35).
4 On 23 June 1867, Count Giovanni Acquaderni of Bologna and Mario Fani of Viterbo subscribed to a program for the Society of the Catholic Youth of Italy that was summarized in the words: “prayer, action, sacrifice.” In the succeeding years, others, spread a bit everywhere in Italy, were added to the first Circles founded one in Bologna and the other in Viterbo, so that during the first congress held in Venice in 1874, they had reached a total of 72 (cf. Gioventù italica, special issue for the fiftieth anniversary of the Society of the Catholic Youth in Italy, no. 7-9 July - September 1921). In Piedmont, the first circle was that of Maranzana, in the diocese of Acqui in 1879, to which followed, in 1884, the circles of Canelli and Ponzone and in 1886, the circle of Mombaruzzo. In the diocese of Cuneo, the first circle arose in Boves in 1889 through the work of Fr. Calandri of Pieve; the second was “B. Angelo andsant'Andrea” of Cuneo, which was inaugurated on 17 October 1896. During the years 1896-1897, in the diocese of Alba, were established the circles of Alba, Dogliani, Cortemilia, Torre Bormida e Cossano Belbo. Cf. Gioventù italica, cited special issue, in Chiesa e Società nella II metà del XIX secolo in Piemonte, edited by APPENDINO F. N., Istituto regionale piemontese di pastorale, Edizioni Pietro Marietti 1982, pp. 390-393.
5 Let us take note of this “article of faith,” which Fr. Alberione would later propose as the central nucleus of his Christology and his pastoral. Cf. Gesù, il Maestro, ieri, oggi e sempre, Rome 1996, pp. 72-73.
6 DA has vista that stands for visione = sight, or also visita = visit.
7 Children organized in parish circles named after St. Aloysius Gonzaga, their patron.
8 NYSTEN J., Sposi timorati, sposi fortunati. Advice for Christian youth and couples: (Jean Nysten was the general chaplain of the hospitals of Liege) translation from French by Angelo Michelotto.
9 The original Sconcia stands for brutta, fatta male = ugly, badly done.
10 Cf. Mt 13:25ff.
11 DA has continuare = to continue, instead of combinare = to arrange.
12 Cf. Prv 23:13-14.
13 Cf. Prv 13:24.
14 Father and doctor of the Eastern Church (295-373), bishop of Alexandria in Egypt, he was the most strenuous defender of Christ's divinity against the heresy of Arius. A friend of St. Ambrose, like him, he wrote a precious tract addressed to consecrated virgins. - His mother's name is not known to us.
15 Gregory of Nissa (circa. 335-394): Basil's brother and bishop of Nissa; he defended the dogma of the Trinity against the Arians who denied it. - In reality, their mother was called Emelia.
16 Cf. Gn 3:6f,12-13.
17 A girl of the nobility of Rome who died martyr about the year 230. She was the wife of Valerian who converted him to Christianity. With the death of her husband, she gave away her wealth to the poor.
18 Urban I, pope from 222 to 230, he governed the Church during the times of calm under the emperor Alessandro Severo. He assisted St. Cecilia, “an eloquent little sheep” for having borne witness to the faith until the conversion of Valerian (MM).
19 Cf. 1Cor 7:14. DA has venne santificato = came to be sanctified.
20 DA has cioè = that is instead of ciò = what.
21 DA, Italian original, has si appartiene instead of appartiene = belongs only.
22 Cf. Mt 10:42 and Mk 9:41.
23 Italian original uses a hardly used term: curosa = one who takes care of others.